This Saturday has FLOWN by. I can’t believe it is 5pm already. It feels like I just woke up! Giada was up at 4:40 this morning and there was no putting her back to sleep. I know it was because we started trying to put her down earlier than midnight. Fairly successful but the results were tough – since we DID stay up until midnight, the 4am wake up call was hard (for me!).  

For anyone looking for a good series to watch and who has any interest in Sci- Fi run to your tivo and program it to record Caprica on the SyFy channel. It is AWESOME! Hopefully any sci fi lover has already watched the entire new Battle Star Galactica, it is sooooo good! (Caprica was in our final 10 name picks for Giada. My Mom hates Giada’s name – I wonder if she would have liked Caprica better)”Cap-Rih-ka”) Maybe the next kid will get it.

I have been immersed in baby care books but have gone to the new library near us and got 2 new books: Shantaram By Gregory David Roberts, a 920 page turner about Bombay that I have been assured I will love more than Diana Galbadon’s Outlander series (doubt it- but we’ll see) And finally a return to my beloved Patrick O’Brian Master and Commander series! I am on the 3^rd or 4^th last book in the series – The Commordore.  Sooo good. I love it when I find an author that has more than 3 books in a series that are good.

Brad Giada and I are doing fine. We are having a very lazy Saturday. Giada desperately needs a bath so I think we will get to that here quickly. She has a purple outfit on that has birds all over it and says Happy Flappy on it. I’ve been walking around all morning fixated on saying “You’re a Happy Flappy Dirty Bird” is a ridiculous high voice. She is fat, happy and very squiggly.  

Giada and Zoe with Grandma Ann the night before she died

Brad’s mom passed away today.

It was surprising really. I mean we knew it was coming but we thought we had a month or more. She would have been 70 on the 20^th and I think in my mind I thought for sure she would see her birthday.

She was fine until yesterday. She woke up and was coherent but often disoriented. Whenever she closed her eyes she would talk to people who were dead for years. She would fall asleep and her hands moved all the time, acting like she was eating or writing something. You could hear the fluid in her lungs though. When you shook her awake she was surprised to see us there, but was talking. She was even up walking around and held Giada twice. She was very annoyed about us ordering her a hospital bed from hospice as she loves her temperedic and thought it was silly to have a bed brought in. This picture of her, Giada and her dog Zoe was last night about 6pm.

Thankfully she only had to sleep in it for one night. She took medicine all night but basically was already passing this morning as she could not be roused. Nurses were there and they couldn’t tell us how long, but the thought in the next 2 days or so. But it was just not to be.

In the end it was just me, her and Giada there together when she died. Brad and his sister Jenny had gone on an errand, to spend some time together as Ann seemed fairly stable. Giada and I were at her bedside when she began to pass. Her eyes had opened as I was talking to her about Giada and I was holding Giada up for her to see her and she was rousing slightly trying to talk a little when her breathing changed and the nurse told me that that signaled the end was near. I managed to get Jenny and Brad on speaker phone as they were returning home and they both got to say their good byes loud and clear for her to hear. I held her hand and told her how much we loved her and how lucky I was to have the opportunity to really KNOW my mother in law as we had battled her cancer together. I told her how glad I was that she had had time with Giada. She died quickly and peacefully.

I’m grateful she didn’t linger and wasn’t in pain but am very, very sad myself and even more so for Brad.

Cherish the time you have and give your family a hug and kiss tonight. We’re blessed to have each other.

One of the most horrifying days of my life.

Giada’s two month doctor’s appointment was really more like a 2 month and 2 week appointment. Dr. Curtis (Dr. Somer Curtis and I went to high school together at Ursuline Academy.) said Giada was doing well. She is growing on a 20% growth curve and weighs 10lbs 1 oz now. When she was born she weighed 6lbs 11 oz. but dropped to 6 lbs 1 oz at her 2 week appointment. Her head is normally shaped, not flat (thank goodness) and is in the 50th percentile at 39.9 – I am not sure why this is important – it shows her brain is developing?

Everyone always says that Giada is tall but she is actually just 24 inches tall – weird, she’s grown 4 inches in 2 months – that is pretty amazing that she is getting that big just on breast milk. (That’s in the 85th percentile if you’re interested.)

The whole percentile thing is kinda odd. How important is it? Does it matter really? Hmm…

Well all that was just fine. Somer said I need to be careful to not let her fall off anything as people underestimate the dexterity of their  babies at this age. Giada is not flipping over yet but she can scooch around pretty well. At our first appointment with Dr. Curtis Giada did actually flip her self from her side to her back which was pretty precocious. She also turned herself in a circle by scooching her feet.

I really should see Giada gets more tummy time so she can get stronger. It is funny to see her hold her little head up when against my chest or in a sitting position. She is still not super strong but she is doing better and better. She started doing this around Christmas.

The horrifying part of the visit was the vaccinations. The nurse came in with three shots with needles so long I thought they would go all the way through her leg.

I really thought I was prepared. I knew she was getting shots. I knew they were going to hurt her. I breastfed through the appointment to get her lots of oxytocin or whatever the feel good hormones are called. I steeled myself – telling myself that it was for her own good. The nurse came in, three shots in hand, jabbed Giada in both legs so fast I barely saw her hand move and had 2 band aids slapped on before Giada could even articulate the extreme pain she was in evidenced by the awful kidney bean red color she had turned. Poor thing!! She screamed and screamed. I immediately put her to breast but it took awhile until she would take that comfort. I guess it eventually worked though as after she finished eating she seemed ok and was fine all the way home. It was awful! I’m terrified of her 4 month appointment. Jesus.

Thanks to all for the advice and to Aunt Regina for the call. We are doing well with the baby but it is hard to know what is best. The crying when being put to bed only lasted 1 night because I just could not handle it. I agree that she is crying for a reason and even if it is just because she is lonely that is enough. I would like to get her on some kind of schedule just so that she knows hen she will be sleeping and awake eating and so on. Of course if that is not advisable right now then that is fine because Giada being on a schedule would require ME being on a schedule and that hasn’t happened for 38 years and unfortunately is not likely to happen now.

Giada seems happy and well fed but it is weird not really knowing how much she is getting because of breastfeeding. If I am breastfeeding every 3 hours then when am I supposed to pump? She seems less satisfied when I pump at 1 1/2 hours (plus I don’t get a ton of milk it seems) What did other mothers here do? I really don’t want her drinking formula unless can help it but I can’t seem to lay down an adequate frozen supply. Any advice besides get up at 3:30 to pump? I’m not doing so great at that.

I am sitting here listening to my precious daughter scream her heart out on a monitor and apparently I am supposed to let her do this for her “own good” so she becomes a disciplined person. I guess I am a weak wimp or she is already a master manipulator.  I just can’t do it. I don’t care what the books say! I’m going to get her right now.